Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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