i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
