so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
