There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
is that a dick in a sweater?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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