Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
