This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
