Whod you bang
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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