Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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