i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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