We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
