Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
