If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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