Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my fart just growled at me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
