I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
