he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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