I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
