And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
