I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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