he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i think i just lost a toe
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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