There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
