I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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