READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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