I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
