nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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