After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
