she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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