I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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