Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
