I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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