Plan B is the new Plan A
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
