Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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