My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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