discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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