i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
