I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
