I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am one with the molecules
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
