This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
