you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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