please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
