Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
