Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
