I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
