Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
