You really coming over, don't trick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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