the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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