All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
