you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
