bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
