I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
