We're like a lot better than the average bears
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
