MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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