i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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