yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
