some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
