I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
