She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
