I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
