You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
