Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
