my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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