i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
